LALAhash

2011-08-05T05:38:00.000-07:00

Like a Vulture hoping for its prey, I yearn for you too. But then, it hit me for the FIFTH time. I always fall for the wrong person, didn't I ? Who am i kidding ? How can someone like you fall for me, how did that thought came about ? I don't know. As I sit here all alone, i realised i am the one at fault. You're not a mistake to fall for but it was my mistake to fall for you .

It happened just too fast. Look at what you wrote on your facebook's wall 'I keep a distance from you because i know i can't have you' i doubt it's about me. really, who am i? just a facebook friend, haa.

For the bloody fifth time, i fall for the wrong person. i hate this emptiness feeling of a broken heart. Why am i always doing this to myself? and yes, my dear self, i promised myself this will be the last time i'm ever gonna get myself involve with 'falling in love'. I persist to hold on, to keep on chasing and trying but hopes often lead to disappointment, don't they? Sadly, that's true.

Truth is, i'll still hold on to you but i'm not going to try or chase you anymore. When will you ever notice me? probably, never. does that answer your question? i bet it did.

You won't be reading my blog anyway so i guess it's safe for me to list down my thoughts here.

Reasons why i don't text you anymore is because i want you to notice me. i want you to text me first. that way, i know you actually did think of me but no, you didn't. I've always been the one to start the conversation. see how outcast i felt? I've always understand you. you just never knew. you can be busy for days or so to text me, i don't mind because my patience waits for something i know that's worth waiting. Sadly, i came to realise you never did understand me, nor do you even bother about me. so then, why am i trying so hard?

I went to your recent soccer matches because i thought if i did, you'll notice me. then again, it was to no avail. yes, probably because you didn't know i was there. so what is this thing i'm trying to do? impress you? no. i'm never doing that for anyone. i'm never changing anything for anyone. for once, i need to be loved for who i am, my flaws and imperfections. if no guy can ever look through that, they're probably not worth it. so why bother?

You told me before you have girls chasing after you, wanting to be with you. You pushed them aside because you only treat them as friends. Well, same goes for me huh? Those words there, kept on playing in my head. I keep asking myself if i'll ever stand a chance, HA HA, i should stop being a joke.

i am such a gullible person. i fall in love too easy with an outcome which will hurt me, real bad. Single for 2 years , how long more can i go ? If it's possible, please let it be forever.

I'm tired, just too tired to try and chase. I failed for the fifth time. Let's just forget about this. You'll NEVER know how i felt about you, sooooo .. yeah. I'm done with all these bullshit.

and i'll never know how you felt about me ..

I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE. I AM A JOKE..

all i ever wanted was your attention..

2010-12-08T05:13:00.000-08:00

status : single for a year and 6 months.

no doubt about four months ago,
i received a love i longed for but it lasted for almost two months.
i don't wanna count that relationship, it's worthless.

i miss being held close,
i miss being kissed on the forehead,
i miss someone telling me everything will be alright,
i miss someone reminding me how much he loves me,
i miss being called 'baby',

i miss those feelings,

i miss being in love D:

when's the next one? after my 2 years ?

4th June 2011 ? :D we'll see.

2010-10-11T04:14:00.001-07:00

sometimes in life, there are things you are bound to be acknowledge yet.
people hide things because they're afraid to show who they are.
they hide their feelings because they're afraid they'll be laughed at.
but one of these days, you'll realize that each day,
god give us an obstacle or two, to see if we are ever strong enough.
strong enough to face it. if so we accomplish it,

we might need not worry for the future

for as what you gain is what you'll learn.

there's not a thing such as 'i cant do it!'.

you'll never know if you never try.

we were all given different rates of IQ, different personalities

and different features. so that's it.

god wants us to accept each other just the way we are

despite all those flaws. flaws are the ones that

makes us better, no matter how much it brings down your self-esteem,

you're bound to know you're always better than you think

you are to someone else. so why let others do the judging?

they judge but they're not in your shoes. some people

hide their true inner better. an angel on the outside,

a total bitch on the inside. like from what i know,

light does not always equates to holy

so is darkness does not always equates to evil.

2010-09-19T23:22:00.000-07:00

i'm still wondering how long should i fraud this smile.
you'll be gone in a month time.

" say hello to prison, babyboy. "

psst, i'm not over you yet.
still, i dont get what's the genuine reason behind all these?
was it because i was really too possesive or
maybe you realized you're being such a burden to me?
i knew it, you yourself dont know the reason why, right?
after you left, things feel so .. just so out of control.

no one knows what you really need.
it seems like what you've been yearning for,
to get a girl to finally accept you just for who you are.
to ever be faithful and loyal to you,
to stop fooling you around and you name it.
i was there, to shower you with what i've got.
but damn lad, i wasnt appreciated.
where did all the love go huh?

trust me, if only i was given another chance.
i would gladly welcome you back into my life.
with no hesitations, ♥

2010-09-19T01:56:00.000-07:00

last night, while i was in your arm,
i felt a little much better and safer.
because you really held me close,
to finally be able to feel the warm of your hug.
you held me tight, making sure i was alright.
you know, it has been quite long since i had that feeling.
while i was trying to hear your heartbeat, butterflies aroused me.
and by then i realized, i was falling for you again
but we all know, i shouldnt and i couldnt.
i had enough with all those past dramas.

let's just keep things under the rocks.
thanks & sorry, NH (;
& i hope you cheer up. ♥

2010-09-19T01:23:00.000-07:00

why am i so gullible these days, after you left?
you do know how much i had to go through,
to insanely get you out of my fucking head.
there you go, again and again and again.
reappearing when i should be forgetting.
everyone knew the love i have for you is real & true.
but thanks, you took me for a fool.
after so much sacrifices, you left.
karma? i dont think so.

i fall for guys easily these days, i shouldnt deny that.
& i'm sure, that's never love for as that is just infatuation.
guys really need to give me time, i'm serious.
but instead, they keep on bugging me with their words.
trying being me, in my size 36 shoes.
i'm sorry but this is so hard for me.
i guess i shall continue being single huh?
till i find myself to be truly in love with another one.
no infatuations, please. those are all just lies.
lies deep within without any profound understanding.
i think it's time i lay low, go slow and just, follow the flow.

2010-09-19T00:28:00.000-07:00

i've been through it all.
never knew how clueless i can get.
after what we got ourselves into, you're gone.
so i guess, i should be moving on.
dont say i never told you how i feel.
because you were once there to know that it's real
but what happened to you? you stop believing, didnt you?
you gave me a million excuses, thinking you'll get out of it.
tell you what, just run baby run.
you said so yourself, you aint coming back.
for as i'm too possessive?
that's the stupidest reason i ever got.
because you know, i never wanted to but i had no choice.
you should have asked me why before leaving.
your mum, i care for her. i truly do.
if it wasnt for her, i wouldnt want to control you.
but thanks anyway, leaving your dearest footprint in my heart.
& you know, forgetting about us aint that easy.
but trust me, i'll get through this.
i will, in no time. <3

2010-05-25T05:17:00.000-07:00

i'm alright now .
i'm glad we sort things out.
it turned out nasty at first.
i'm sorry i walked away from you,
but i'm a happy girl now !
for now, i guess .
i hope it'll stay that way somehow .
i dont want anything else to ruin this .
promise me, no more bullshits .
i've had enough . <3

2010-05-23T07:48:00.000-07:00

sometimes i wonder why i always give in , in love.
i always thought sacrifices was the sweetest thing.
but i dont understand you.
you were different than my previous one.
you dont make sacrifices for the one you love.
you're scared you're being taken advantage of.
you dont trust me, do you?
if being egocentric makes you a happy person,
then it shall be.
i care for your happiness more than mine.
no considerations took place in your head.
if being with me is what you want and not what you need,
what's the point ?
i'm willing to stay, to endure this pain.
just for you & you dont know how much i tried to put up with this aches.
it's really up to you, dude.
whatever happens between us, i wont take the blame.
i choose not to be selfish just because you are.
if only you knew..

i'm stupid when i'm in love . <3

2010-04-24T08:49:00.000-07:00

how would you feel when someone who you dont literally expect to
be in love with, is currently the one
you're in love with ?

& yes , i'm in love with you .
my soul was arouse by your presence .
never did i believe i was so into you .
the day you reappeared, was the day i'm in need .
and you thoroughly saved me from my nightmares .
i was suffering all along when you wasnt by my side .
i wasnt using you to forget him .
instead, you gave me the strength to .
am grateful that you're around ,
and am pleased to know that you want me in your life .

i'll wait for that day , no matter how long it takes .
as long as you're still here, nothing would go wrong .
i want you to stay, not like the others .
i want you to know, i want you right here .
right here, in my arms .
in my life, in my soul and in my heart ..

2010-04-24T08:27:00.000-07:00

sometimes, most things can leave you with wonders .
you may not believe in fate and you may not like it either,
but when only fate comes in handy, that's when you'll be grateful .
and when fate destroys part of you, and you've got no one to turn to ,
that is when you try to destroy fate by destroying yourself .
we every human have to believe in ourselves, have a little bit faith .
when obstacles are coming ahead, we have to stay positive .
even when you're facing it alone, the outcome

will make you a stronger person .
exactly, this is life.
it's not too easy nor too hard .
so make your stay worthwhile .
love when you can ,
hate when you should .

2010-04-04T05:21:00.000-07:00

i love you, but i've yet to find a way to.
i may not feel it right now, but i know i do.
especially to accept you for your flaws & imperfections.
there's no boundaries if we work this out together.

be what you are because if we're together,
it's what within you that i'll love,
not what's outside.

2010-04-04T04:39:00.000-07:00

yes. you told me once, you told me twice.
i can still remember it vividly in my head.
those words you said, they're just too cheap.
in the end, you're the one who set me loose.
i thought you were different than any other guys.
turned out, you're just the same. you proved me wrong.
labelling yourself a player - true fact
but ever consider looking yourself in the mirror ?
doubt so (:

2010-03-28T03:35:00.000-07:00

i'm sorry ..
i'm sorry for going M.I.A .
i'm sorry because {326} miss me .
i'm sorry {326} because i turned you down .
i'm sorry because i'm selfish .
i'm sorry i had to keep distance away .
i'm sorry if it's all because of your brother .
i'm sorry but it cant be like how it used to anymore.
i'm sorry for making such decision.
i'm sorry for your brother .
& i'm sorry but your brother is such a loser -.-'

i cant help it but feel so upset that i had to keep distance away from you guys just because i dont want anything to do with him anymore . furthermore, i cant stop trying to get to know how's your brother doing . that's why, i never fail to bloghopped into your and lil sister's blog . {326}, i know you miss me . i know small sister miss me too but i just cant . i cant do this anymore . looking at his pictures make me sick but i still do miss him , a lot. a lot more than you can ever think . i really dont know where did i went wrong till he had to leave . afterall , i deserved it right? since i'm the one who ignored him for the whole week. i had to because he've changed. i dont wanna hurt myself nor him. even after he told me he wouldnt and that he wont leave me, those are just words. it's cheap, easy to say. hard to prove, complicated to show. ghee, i wanna meet you guys one day. not him, just you two. sigh ! T.T ilytwo <3

2010-03-28T02:39:00.000-07:00

{dear girl}, he did hurt you, didnt he ? i thought so that he will someday.
isnt it too early for you to feel it ? maybe, maybe not? the right time, i guess.
cheer up, i dont see a point to be upset. i've been through him, i'm over him now.
sure you can and you will. it takes time, do it slow.
i dont see M with a heart anymore.
is it over between you guys ? i'm glad it is (: afterall , i lied ..
i've been waiting for it to be over. it hurts ..

2010-03-28T02:17:00.000-07:00

what a misunderstanding , tsk .
glad i'm alright with her and we sort things out .
furthermore , it's pretty obvious that it's fraud .
i mean , people are more likely to create rumors .
just to see us argue or something , ghee .
she heard from others that i talked about her .
wherelse , i heard from others she talked about me .
technically, it's all FAKE .
well , at least she admitted that she did it before .
people just cant see us happy T.T sigh !

2010-03-24T05:08:00.000-07:00

dear girl , arent you ashame to say such ridiculous stuffs about me?
having such misconception on me? why would i waste four thousand dollars
to put braces on for fun and follow you ? are you joking ?
no wait, you're the joke ! my dear girl , you're a total fool .
a devil in disguise .. even if i'm given a choice ,
i still wouldnt wanna follow you .
i'm not jealous of you , you're not 'all that' .
let's talk tomorrow ayes ! (;

2010-03-16T08:56:00.000-07:00

it's just another step ahead
there's nothing to worry about
i promise i'll be fine now and then
but when you look back to your past
{which you shouldnt}
dont forget me as the girl
the girl you once called 'baby'
and the girl who once loved you
with all that she could , her heart ♥
now it's over , have fun !

2010-03-16T02:12:00.000-07:00

what happen to those words you told me ?
i guess , words are just really too cheap .
it's easy to say but hard to prove .
you're the player and i'm the fool .
a fool to believe you in the first place .
i thought i wouldnt have to regret
but regret is the only thing i can feel right now .

2010-03-15T07:53:00.000-07:00

TRUE ENOUGH ?

“Guys are assholes.
If you argue with him, you’re hard-headed.
If you’re quiet, you don’t care.
If you call him, you’re too clingy crazy.
If he calls you, he says you should be happy.
If you don’t love him, he’ll try all ways to win you.
When you do love him, he leaves.
If you don’t fuck him, you’re a tease.
If you do, you’re easy.
You tell him your problems, he says you’re irritating.
If you don’t, he says you don’t trust him.
If you lecture him, you just want to argue.
If he lectures you, it’s because he ‘cares.’
If you break a promise, he doesn’t trust you anymore.
If he breaks it, it’s because he had to.
If you cheat, he expects it to be over.
If he cheats, he wants another chance.

THEY’RE ALL BASICALLY THE SAME.

Guys drink to forget about girls;
girls drink to think back about the guy.
When guys are in love, they become poor;
when girls are in love, they become pretty.
Guys can forget, but can’t forgive;
girls can forgive, but can’t forget.
When guys are heart-broken,
they try to forget about the girl by going out with another girl;
when girls are heart-broken, they try to find his characteristics in another guy. Guys wish to be her first love;
girls wish to be his last.”

2010-03-15T03:04:00.000-07:00

every night, i thought what could be the best way
to say what i really wanna say
or if there is even a chance left for me to speak
what my heart wants to express .

2010-03-14T11:14:00.000-07:00

can i be your angel ?
the one who would always be there for you .
even when you fall , i'll pick you up from the ground
and if you're losing faith , i'll give you my strength .

i just want you to know,
this will probably be my last ..
so i just need one last opportunity,
to retrace my steps ♥